Change Your Life; Become a Plant Sitter
Six weeks ago, my old high school math teacher made me an offer that was almost too good to be true. While he and his wife enjoyed their three week honeymoon in New Zealand, I could live in their house for the meager price of watering their large potted plant collection once a week. By living in their house, I mean eating their snacks, browsing shows on their large TV, and slashing my forty minute commute to work to a mere ten. Needless to say, I was at the front door with a tote bag full of clothes before they’d reached the first layover. Those three weeks of frivolity are now freshly behind me. I’m back in the sticks, just a hallway from my parents (God bless them), but the sweetness still lingers. I want to immortalize that period of my life somehow, and connect with others if I can. Maybe if I share some of the highlights from my time as a plant sitter, I could inspire fellow 22-year-olds who live at home to hunt for some new temporary digs of their own. Perhaps I could even convince other cool couples in their thirties to open up their homes. That’s the power of storytelling, isn’t it. So without further ado, here’s some top-rated activities if you find yourself as a in-house plant sitter from someone who lived the life:
1) Cook yourself a delicious meal
After you get off whatever service job you’re doing to pad your savings, take your mom’s Honda straight to the local co-op and stock up on all the ingredients you need to make a tasty new recipe. My dish of choice was a beef stir fry with tiny mushrooms and a scrumptious sauce from the recently expanded Asian aisle in my grocery store. You’re also going to want to purchase a couple of snacks, one salty and one sweet, and a bottle of wine with a cute label. Make sure you don’t realize that wine costs $17 until you’ve already started checking out. Just put it on your credit card and think of all the money you’ve saved drinking your parents’ supply for the past five months:)
Later that evening, throw on the podcast your crush recommended or some funky tunes and get cooking. The best part of living in someone else’s house is pretending their fully equipped kitchen is really yours. Just for tonight, you own a SodaStream and a contraption that extracts wine without having to remove the cork. Feels pretty nice, right?
2) Get some R+R in front of the giant TV
Oh no! It’s day two of your period and the cramps are so bad you’re actually sweating. However, not to worry because you’re a plant sitter now, and that means it’s time to curl up in a fetal position under your duvet and watch a four hour video essay about YouTube plagiarism to distract from the excruciating pain you’re in. Menstruation sucks, but at least you’ve got a gorgeous flat screen TV and perfect solitude to help you through.
3) Think about initiating a casual romance and then don’t
As you’re lying on the guest bed -correction: your bed- around 8pm, download Tinder for the 77th time because you should take advantage of the distinct lack of parental supervision and invite a cutie over. Promptly remember that dating apps make you feel icky, delete said app, and chuckle ruefully into the quiet night.
4) Paint the town!
It’s your day off tomorrow, that means it’s time for a late night adventure. Get dressed in your finest sweater and jeans, and jump in the car. You’re headed straight to the stand-up show at your local bar. After an hour of laughs, order a dry cider and sit at the bar alone because that always makes you feel like Joan Didion. When your drink is finished, throw your scarf on in a whirlwind motion and move briskly for the exit, but not before making effortless conversation with a handful of patrons and that one waiter you know. He gave you that cider for free. Yeah, you were in good form that night.
5) Have a dance party
The only way to follow up a solo night on the town is with a solo boogie. Crank Fred Again.. on the aux and shake those hips! No need for headphones; there’s no one to annoy with the heavy bass and even heavier breathing. The kitchen makes for a great dance floor and so does the circular layout of the ground floor. Don’t be afraid to take full advantage of the space and do some laps. Cooking dinner might have made you feel like a grown up, but these late night dance offs are unlocking some pre-teen joy you’d almost abandoned for good.
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And there you have it. Some plant sitting inspo from a real life pro. I hope you enjoyed these recommendations. Being a live-in plant sitter isn’t just a wonderful opportunity to help someone out by looking after their beloved leafy friends, you also get to enjoy the freedom and whimsy that comes with switching up your routine and stepping into other people’s lives. Equally, cool couples in their thirties, what a lovely gift you’re giving the young folks who idolize your cozy, mature lifestyle. Big thank you to the cool couple in my life that initiated such a tender generational exchange. Now go get ‘em, future plant sitters. Just don’t have so much fun you forget to water the plants. I certainly never did…💫
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